So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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