Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
