I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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