i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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