I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
