drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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