The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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