i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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