I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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