Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
