Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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