i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
