wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
