Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
