Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize