I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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