I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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