Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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