Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
