god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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