i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
