how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
