My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
