I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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