i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
