I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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