So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
