I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
