Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He did a backflip because drugs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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