she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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