Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
