You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
