Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
