he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
