Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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