I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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