I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
