my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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