She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
