I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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