Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
