I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
