One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
