Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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