you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
