do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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