Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
even my farts smell like vagina
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dear god my vagina.
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