In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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