standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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