ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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