You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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