I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
