i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
