a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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