are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
