Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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