Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.