I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night