my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness