dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo