so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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