Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising