it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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