Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
