tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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