My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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