so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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