so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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