Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
