TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
