Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
