I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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